The thought of starting therapy seems so scary! If we are accustomed to dealing with scary experiences in our life that feel overwhelming, and bring with them a plethora of negative emotions, why wouldn’t therapy be another one of these experiences. For some, the thought of the realizations we may come to or the changes that we might be faced with making seem so foreign that they stop us in our tracks before we even begin. Maybe we don’t even understand what type of support therapy can provide, and we know nothing about what to expect through the process of starting therapy.
Though seeking the support of a therapist can be an overwhelming step to take when you are in a dark place in life, sometimes continuing to stay where you are, even if it is a familiar hell, creates more fear and suffering than trying something new.
I want you to know that through the process of seeking and working with a therapist, you hold the reigns and guide the process. You have a ton of control about what this process will look like for you and how it can go. To help you better understand your power and options approaching the therapy healing process, below are considerations to have in choosing your therapist. Later, I share a list of questions to ask potential therapists. My hope is for you to feel empowered going into this process and alleviate some of the fear!
I believe the number one, most important aspect of working with a therapist is the connection you share with your therapist. Feeling comfortable, supported and that you are getting what you need is the most important aspect of a successful therapeutic outcome. My therapeutic style is not everyone's cup of tea, and I have a unique approach and unique values to how I work with clients which differ from some other therapists approaches. To have a good working relationship with a therapist, your needs and values should be somewhat aligned.
Some considerations for you: do you want a therapist who you can vent to each week, or do you want a therapist who challenges you to see different perspectives or make changes? Would you prefer a therapist who will only listen to what you share, or do you want somebody who also gives you feedback? So much of finding the best fit with a new therapist will be impacted by you understanding your needs while coming into the therapeutic relationship. It’s okay if you haven’t considered these aspects before now! More later, on how you can determine whether a new potential therapist can meet your specific needs before working together.
Every therapist has different areas of treatment that they specialize in. It’s important to know what you are coming to therapy for: trauma treatment, grief, depression, relationship challenges, ect. It’s okay to have more than one, most people do! Since therapists specialize in different areas of treatment, there will be areas that each therapist has not had training or experience working in. An ethical therapist will be honest with you if you would be in better hands with a different therapist who has a specialty more aligned with your treatment goals. They may even have a professional recommendation they can share with you.
Another component to consider are the different treatment modalities that a therapist will use to treat the conditions or challenges that you are coming to therapy for. Through a therapist’s education they will learn various types of treatment modalities to use, and continuing through internship experiences, work experiences and/or specialized trainings, therapists will tend to prioritize using one or more modalities in providing treatment to clients. Different modalities take different amounts of time for treatment, some are financially covered by insurance, and some may not be. You can look online at the best treatment options available for the specific challenges you are facing and explore all facets of what this would involve for you before starting (cost, time, availability). I should also note that evidence-based practices are usually best as research has shown that a specific type of treatment has been effective at treating a specific condition. Your search may say “Best evidence-based treatments for depression”.
Now you are considering what type of role/style you want your new therapist to take in sessions, you know what your treatment needs are and can look for a therapist who specializes in these, you know the type of modality you want your new therapist to use, and you have a better idea of the type of investment this will ask of you. I recommend using search engines or reputable therapist search bases such as Psychology Today to look up therapists. I recommend being specific and using filters on the type of therapy you want, the insurance plan you have, your location, ect.
If you find one or more therapist’s profiles or websites who you read a bit about and seem interested in working with, you can contact them and ask them if they offer a consultation phone call or video call to speak further before working together. Did you know that most therapists offer consultations at no charge? When you have the consultation(s) set up, please bring with you a list of questions that will help you feel more confident in your choice of therapist based on what you are specifically looking for. This is where you can really determine if you feel connected to a therapist. A consultation is a two-way opportunity for both the therapist and prospective client to collect information.
In my practice, offering consultations are a standard that allows me to get a better understanding of somebody’s goals or current challenges, as well as an opportunity to share my approach as a therapist so that a potential client can feel secure deciding that I am the therapist they choose to work with or not. My policy is giving my prospective clients a week to explore other therapist options and make considerations so there is no pressure in deciding in that moment. We are not stereotypical used car salespeople! Though if you are certain you know this is the therapist you want to work with, feel free to say so. The consultation offers the opportunity to determine the ‘goodness of fit’ for both the therapist and the client. We want what is best for you.
Some questions you can ask a potential therapist to feel more comfortable and confident in choosing the best therapist for you are below:
What is your style/role in therapy sessions?
It’s important for me to have a therapist who (challenges me and helps me see new perspectives)_. Do you (give feedback and share your perspectives) in session?
Do you have experience, training and/or special certification in working with (trauma)_?
What type of modalities or approaches do you use, or would you use in working with me on the things I have shared?
When people who share the same difficulties as I have come to therapy, what does the treatment usually look like? (Time investment/frequency)
Do you accept my insurance, and can I use my insurance for the treatment discussed today?
What would be the process moving forward if I chose to work with you?
Some additional considerations:
Therapists who have a state or national license, or board certification which has been earned from an accredited masters or doctorates program are held to high standards of quality within their education and experience. It’s okay to look at somebody’s listed educational background/degree and license type.
If you do meet with multiple therapists for multiple consultations and decide to move forward with one, please respectfully inform the therapists you did not choose to work with that you are moving in a different direction. It’s considerate and more respectful than going ghost, especially if they shared their time with you to help you make the best choice for yourself.
Yes, it is true that in choosing to work with a therapist you will have to open up and share information with seemingly, a stranger, maybe even more than one. I hope that learning about this process of what you can expect and the ways which you have control in this process of making sure you end up with the best therapist for you has you feeling empowered and ready to take the next step for your healing.
I will leave you with this last piece of advice: always be honest and communicative about what you need. If you do work with a therapist and you uncover a new need that you would like to see in the therapeutic process, please tell your therapist about it. If you do this and still decide therapy is not for you, or you would like a different therapist, inform your therapist so you can wrap up your work together and process the ending healthily. You can always leave! Your therapist may even share a recommendation for a different therapist. My point is, you continue to have control throughout the entire therapy process. There is nothing to fear here but fear itself.
I wish nothing but blessings and healing on your journey!
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